I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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