Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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