So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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