dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
