I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
