he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
