I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
