is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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