More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
