if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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