Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
