I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm always down for nudity.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
