I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize