the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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