Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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