So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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