Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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