I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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