I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
