I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
