I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
