Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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