they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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