My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
