he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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