I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
