She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your cock deserves a montage
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
