if you like me you must not know who I am
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
