dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize