i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had sex on a roof
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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