I looked at my own cervix.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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