Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
