His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
