im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
