Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
