It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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