It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
