There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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