The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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