I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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