absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
