Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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