Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Couch. On fire.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
