can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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