I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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