For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
