remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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