I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
