how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize