Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize