U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize