Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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