Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
