and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
