Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
