dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
