i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
