He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
