i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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