under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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