Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
