Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
