I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize