M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
