So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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