two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
