Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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