similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
