I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
