Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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